Stolen from Reddit.

"Nibby" (nibby68) 10/05/2015 at 09:14 • Filed to: None

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And you can replace girl/she with anyone. “Don’t cross oceans for someone who won’t jump a puddle for you.”

What do you do if all your relationships/friendships are not reciprocal? If you’re the one who does everything? You end up frustrated and convinced you’re destined to live alone for the rest of your life. Then you feel imprisoned by isolation and end up living in a dungeon/hole (I think dungeon is more fitting).

ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper > Nibby 10/05/2015 at 09:20

2

Cut them out, find new friends.

GeorgeyBoy > Nibby 10/05/2015 at 09:24

2

I like living in a dungeon.

Nibby > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper 10/05/2015 at 09:25

0

I made better friends in grad school for sure.

In undergrad, I struggled with that daily. People would ALWAYS cancel on me or not respond. They’d only text me if they needed my help with school projects... and I would just tell them to stop by the woodshop I worked at and have whoever is working there at the time help them. I ended up not really caring for them. In fact, I only keep in touch with 2 people from undergrad now (and one has moved overseas).

Nibby > GeorgeyBoy 10/05/2015 at 09:26

1

It definitely has its perks. You don’t have to worry about drama and you can enjoy yourself and do your own thing. You’re in complete control of your relationships.

TractorPillow > Nibby 10/05/2015 at 09:33

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As I get older I’m learning most people are boring and lame flakes. They’d rather sit at home watching tv and lauding it as “family time” instead of going out and doing something

cazzyodo > Nibby 10/05/2015 at 09:33

1

My undergrad worked that way. Sucks but when it comes down to it, efforts should and can be placed in areas that you can reap the greatest rewards.

You can’t farm barren soil.

Punk_Girl_98 > Nibby 10/05/2015 at 09:36

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Friends slow you down. Destroy all the friends!

lol j/k :) You’ll be fine Nibby. Focus on school and hang out here for now.

Nibby > cazzyodo 10/05/2015 at 09:38

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Yeah, exactly. Well put.

Nibby > TractorPillow 10/05/2015 at 09:40

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Yeah, I’ve learned most people around my age are boring and a lot of them feel the need to smoke pot or drink excessively “to have fun.”

Nibby > Punk_Girl_98 10/05/2015 at 09:42

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I’m done with school, finished in May. Thanks though.

cool song

Punk_Girl_98 > Nibby 10/05/2015 at 09:49

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Luckyyyyy! Go make money, buy cars, and make people earn your friendship.

MultiplaOrgasms > Nibby 10/05/2015 at 10:09

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The loneliness is real.

#tiniestviolin

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > Nibby 10/05/2015 at 10:30

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Read # 4.

It really does. People get busy, or they’re dealing with stuff you don’t know about, or they’re mentally ill and not getting proper treatment so they think you don’t care whether you hear from them or not.

Nibby > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 10/05/2015 at 10:35

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“Before you know it, your best friend from four years ago barely remembers to post a quick “happy birthday” on your Facebook wall — and if he/she does, it’s lowercase and unpunctuated, the lowest form of Facebook birthday wishing.” HAHAHA

Everyone has their own issues to deal with. Compared to most people my age, mine are at least relatively minor.

FazeRacer > Nibby 10/05/2015 at 10:42

1

If your relationships aren’t reciprocal it’s because they don’t care about losing you. You don’t have any value to them. The way to fix that is become the type of person that they want to be with, and then the tables will turn (you won’t care about losing them because they have no value to you).

FKA-RacecaR > Nibby 10/05/2015 at 10:44

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I deal with that everyday in my head (until I get my meds changed at least).

The conundrum I am in is that I want to have friendships, but I really fight with social anxiety. I have pretty much given up on new friendships though (for now, until I change my mind again).

It is definitely a two way street, and I was tired of being the only one showing effort. Oh well, I have 2 close friends. One lives on the other side of the country, and the other is about to move 6 hours north of me. So I’ll just hang out with my wife and kids and be done with everyone else.

Nibby > FKA-RacecaR 10/05/2015 at 11:26

1

Yeah, in most of the ones I’ve had, I did all of the effort. I stopped texting/making plans with them and never hear from them again.

Their loss, really. Most people are really boring anyways.

At least for you, you have a wife and kids so you can spend a lot of time with them. I’m sure you’ll end up with fantastic children.

Nibby > FazeRacer 10/05/2015 at 11:27

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Friends are few and far between... I recently evaluated “Which people do I know... that need me a lot more than I need them?” And mentally eliminated them from “people who I should keep in touch with.”

That list is probably down to 5 people now.

FKA-RacecaR > Nibby 10/05/2015 at 11:43

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My 10 year old daughter is pretty much my “security blanket” when we go to social events that the kids come with us to.

She isn’t a big fan of people either. So we just kind of sit together and talk about stuff and ignore what is going on around us.

Nibby > FKA-RacecaR 10/05/2015 at 11:44

1

Yeah, at family gatherings and parties I tend to stick with the children. Most adults in my family are either incredibly boring or have egos.

Kids can be awesome.

TheRealBicycleBuck > Nibby 10/05/2015 at 11:59

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Finding friends can be hard when you’re not “normal.” How do we know you aren’t normal? 8.5% of the population has a master’s, 1.8% has a doctorate. This puts you (and I) waaaaaay out in the tail of the normal curve. 75% of the area under the curve is having a high-school diploma (30%), some college (25%), or a bachelor’s degree (20%).

If you aren’t normal in your level of education (almost Ph.D.), you probably aren’t normal in other ways (i.e. car nut). I realized this about myself in grad school when I was trying to counsel an undergrad (2 years of college) who was having difficulty communicating with one of her professors (Ph.D., mid-fifties, two kids in high school). My advice was to do her best to understand his perspective and try again.

I also realized that sometimes you just have to take a cue from the “normal” population and change the way you communicate. For example, football is a big deal around our office. I couldn’t care less about it, but I have been trying to get acquainted with the weekend scores to make it easier to participate in the office conversation. You might take a cue from this guy. Not to say you have a problem, but he had an interesting solution to his. I can say I learned a few things.

As for friends, it’s much harder once you are married with kids. I was fortunate to marry someone almost as not-normal as I (at least in education). She finds it easier to talk to people than I do, so she has become the scout. When she finds a couple that we might get along with, we try to have dinner with them and see how the conversation goes. It’s like a married couple’s double date. We’ve had a few successes over the years and now have a few couples who are great friends.

I keep in touch with a couple of my high school friends and a couple of my grad school friends (I married one of them). The undergrad “friends” were just fillers for a time. Focus on people who share your interests, whether they are in college or not. Your best friends will be ones who help take you away from the daily grind.

TheRealBicycleBuck > TheRealBicycleBuck 10/05/2015 at 12:21

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Forgot the links to “ this guy ” and can’t edit my reply....

Nibby > TheRealBicycleBuck 10/05/2015 at 13:09

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Wow, friends as “fillers” describes it perfectly.

I have some friends with similar interests and we share pictures and videos relating to those things... On weekends, I’m either at home or at my uncle’s place watching football with him and his kids/other cousins.

I also think for me, I struggle more than most people since I don’t drink at all and that comes off as prude. People have asked me my stance on drinking and I say “I won’t do it, but having a casual beer or wine is fine. I think drinking to get drunk or to fit in is absolutely immature and ridiculous.”

TheRealBicycleBuck > Nibby 10/05/2015 at 13:54

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Welcome to the age of maturity.

Since you like cars, computers, 3-D viz, and are proud of the things you built, you might find interesting people in the maker community. You just missed the 2015 faire in NY, but you can still meet the makers! http://makerfaire.com/new-york-2015/…

Leadbull > Punk_Girl_98 10/05/2015 at 14:22

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Intentionally making people “earn” your friendship is a good way to not have any friends.

Tohru > GeorgeyBoy 10/05/2015 at 14:40

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Living in a dungeon sucks. All the adventuring parties looting your stuff, the dragons and the kobolds... No thanks.

Nibby > TheRealBicycleBuck 10/05/2015 at 14:44

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Aww man that looked very fun indeed. Thanks for the link!

Punk_Girl_98 > Leadbull 10/05/2015 at 17:13

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lol not like try outs, but ain’t nobody got time for bad friends or the processes on getting too deep into a bad friendship because one is lonely.